Thursday, October 14, 2010

who i am

i'm a child of God
i'm a critical person
i'm a timely person
i'm a creative person
i'm a caring person
i'm a kitchen person
i'm a good wife
i'm a good friend
i'm a good employee

honest

if i'm anything other than this, i am unaware of it. and i don't want to be a bad person. or a rude person. if i display those negative characteristics, i wish someone would talk to me about it.
because i got an email this morning that made me sad. it called me rude. said this person was "done with me" because i'm rude to them and to other people, and they aren't going to take it anymore.

i'm terribly confused. i realize that the person who sent this can be a little off, and takes their feelings out the wrong way, but i seriously remember being nothing but nice to them in particular. my husband and i even invited this person over to carve pumpkins this month. because i like this person. they're also creative, and funny, and kind-- when they're in the mood to be, it seems.

i realize i shouldn't be hurt by this. i should be feeling like the bigger person for trying to have a conversation with them to see what the problem was, for reaching out and being willing to discuss and fix this friendship. but i'm hurt. i'm sitting here doing tons of soul-searching type stuff, trying to see if i'm really a rude person. i do know i'm critical. i said that in the beginning. but it's something that's a part of me, and something i've made a conscious effort to be better about. and it's not something i voice to people i don't know well. i don't talk about people behind their backs. i even don't get upset over much.

and i just don't get it. do other people think i'm rude, too? what can i do to change people's perception of me, if they think i'm rude?-- because i'm not rude. i'm not saying i'm a saint. i joke with friends like everyone does. whenever i possibly say something of the "rude" persuasion, it's in joking and in a group that understands it. 

end sob story.

3 comments:

  1. Aw, babe. I'm sorry. It's never fun to receive emails like that. Maybe she took something you said too personally. Or you were being honest with her and she didn't want to hear it. Sometimes people can't handle the truth (no movie cliche intended) and would rather people sugar coat what they say. Some people just can't take criticism. But one of the things I like most about you is your honesty.

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  2. I can't believe someone would treat you that way. You have never been anything but gracious to me. Sometimes some people need to be so babied, that you can't relax and be yourself around them without them taking offense. It's not you!! So, you hold your head up young lady. You have nothing to feel bad about. You would NEVER be rude on purpose and those of us who really know you, KNOW that.

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  3. I just realized that "she" could be a "he" also. I re-read your post and you never mentioned gender. Anyway...what Mom said.

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now it's your turn.